fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
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woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
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Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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