so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Randomize
