I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
