I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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