Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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