Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
