Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
