Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
