"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
