I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
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Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
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Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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