I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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