I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
