STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
