I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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