I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
