I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
