My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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