so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
