Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
