Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
