Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize
