dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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