just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
