Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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