D3 body, D1 cock
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
