I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
i think my cat just said my name.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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