Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
