She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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