even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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