I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
