Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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