She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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