You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
