Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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