Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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