Pants 0. Shit 1.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize