you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
do nipples grow back?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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