So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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