he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Maybe he injected his testicle?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
