Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize