I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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