it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
