I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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