Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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