i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
