Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
