Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
