Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
