I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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