What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
