this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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