i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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