Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
