we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
