I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
