"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
