Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
