He is such a slut. More and more my type.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
