Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I wish life had little blips of pornography
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
