i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
