Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
When are your genitals available?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
