fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
