U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
