I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
