It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
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I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
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I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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