No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
