I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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