My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
