I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
