It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
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