FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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