I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
