i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
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