he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
