My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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