Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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