The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Randomize
