We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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