See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
The uberlube is also flammable
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
