Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
