oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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