put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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