DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
